I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
