we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
