I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
