Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
