you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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