I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
