I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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