I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
are you so shy because you have an std?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
