I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
