I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
