dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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