Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
