I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
