Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can't put those talents on a resume
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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