my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
