So drunk its hurt
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I pour the whiskey from now on
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
