There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
