just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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