I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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