Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
