apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
