yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize