my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
