he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
