Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
