So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
