I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
