i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
