Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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