I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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