apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
