I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
