I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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