It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Are we still banned from the library?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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