so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
