you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
