Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
