I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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