I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
