I molested 6 butterflies tonight
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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