I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
