I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
