guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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