Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
