To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
