I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
