I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
