yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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