No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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