Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
