This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
