this beer tastes like vomit already
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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