He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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