Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
