I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
