Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
