She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
