I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
