Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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