Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
