I just made out with a guy for $7.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
