the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
