I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
