3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My hand turned me down
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
