My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
