You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
