My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
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There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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