i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
