some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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