Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
