so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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