She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my being single is dangerous.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
